The unthinkable happened again. . .in Colorado

How can we live, love and laugh when senseless violence interrupts our lives, kills our loved ones and creates a wound we feel will never heal?

Will the world forget when two students started killing, wounding and destroying the lives of those they knew and called friend, at Columbine High School on April 20, 1999? We better never forget. And how could we, when the unthinkable happened again on July 20th, 2012, less than 20 miles from Columbine High School. Lives were tragically taken, forever altered and our hearts are once again wounded.

When the world gathered to mourn, either in person, through television or via the Internet, the memorial service in Aurora, Colorado had the image of a heavenly host. . .an angel. We needed to know our hurt was heard, our grief was not in vein, and that possibly, vividly and with certainty those who were taken through death were in heaven . . . whole, healed and eternally living the promises we cling to. . .about heaven, about hope about healing.

The angel, be it a cloud formation or a gift from God's hand, became a real image, for us to look up, to have faith and not to lose hope. The image was seen by those who attended. . .and still serves as a reminder. . .perhaps for you.

We might think we are not capable of such violence, but yet we shake our fists in the faces of others in the name of our faith. Do people see love in your actions, words and deeds?

There are those who love to live in the limelight, but how do they live behind close doors? Albert Einstein said "Learn from yesterday, lie for today, hope for tomorrow." Winston Churchill claimed "We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." Max Lucado gives the following words of inspiration, "We see a hearse; we think sorrow. We see a grave; we think despair. We hear of a death;we think of a loss. Not so in heaven. When heaven sees a breathless body, it sees the vacated cocoon and the liberated butterfly."

If only we shared our feelings of hatred, rejection, sorrow, fear and worries. . .if only others listened, helped, pointed us towards healing. If only. But the other thing we can control in our lives are our tongues. They poison, spew hatred, cause division and reveal our own selfish motives. Or our words can, if we think before we speak, sew seeds of hope, love and help. The substance of hate is hurt.

For many, feeling abandoned is removed once we find a source of acceptance, and that acceptance can be found through hateful channels of infamy.

Look up. Seek hope, healing and love. Don't reject pain when pain comes, but learn from it and move forward to find healing, to find joy, and through the journey you will find the return of your laughter, your desire to live and your capability to love.

Don't allow hate to win. Get help, be victorious and walk through your victimizing circumstances towards growth. . .and look up along the way. There just might be an angel watching, waiting and leading, guiding and telling you there is truth, there is hope and there is help. Don't isolate yourself in chaos by how you live, by what you think and how you treat others. Look up. . .call out for help. . .and actively seek the help you need to stop violencein the ways you speak, in how you live and by how you think. Look up:

Treat Everyone with Respect - STARTING WITH YOURSELF

In this day of corporate upheavals due to mergers, acquisitions and companies closing for a variety of reasons, as well as relationships deemed 'for the moment' instead of eternal with a mindset that a couple is committed, loyal and dedicated to one another. . .the word value of self and valuing others is losing just that. . .value.

 Perhaps you were once respected, promoted and valued for what you brought to an employer, or you thought the one ou loved you wanted to love for a lifetime would love you the same- then CRASH, BOOM. . .things change. An atmosphere once full of respect is now full of cynicism, resentment, meanness and a matrix of madness that turns sanity and support upside down.

The diagram above can help heal and restore respect proving you can resurrect a relationship or enhance your professional life. But the key is keeping one thing in the foremost part of your mind - you can't control how others respond or treat you. You can only find rest, esteem and fulfillment knowing how you extend respect to others.

 People come from backgrounds, environments and persuasions that we will never fully recognize as it's a defense to hide hurt and transition into becoming controlling and even hateful. Your manager can't respect you as their own self-esteem or security is threatened by what you know or the respect you receive from others - so managers try to overpower you and defeat you in numerous ways. The same can be said of your friends and family. Everyone's looking out for Number One - and building walls and barriers instead of creating bridges of unity.

The only thing we can change is ourselves. We can change the way we allow people to treat us by speaking up, but not putting expectation on anyone else to change. We can change our mindset from being negative to positive, we can change expecting others to honor us by learning how to honor ourselves, and always strive to do your best, putting an emphasis on quality without the expectation of reward or merit. If we are raising kids, managing a staff and growing our relationships, we can give others the cycle of respect, but remove the expectations from what you think anyone's response will be. . .and keep your expectations on what you can do to make a difference in any situation of your life.

Words are important, we we can and will make mistakes. . .but mistakes are life lessons and learning experiences. Don't stuff and hide your failures, and if others fail you, don't shake your finger in their faces. Find support through your faith, seek out counsel without stewing on your failures or the failures of others. Grow, learn, forgive and move on.

If you work in an environment where management is heavy handed, abrasive and abusive, and in this economy changes in employment are difficult - seek support and transition your talents through volunteering, find your creative side in art, seek out positive activities with positive people. . .and you will find opportunities that will abound beyond the daily grind and facing low morale throughout your day. Set goals and seek achievements as you strive to excel in avenues you can create for yourself and you will grow and find self-satisfaction in the process. There are also resources to turn to for solace and support, but ensure these are affirming and reputable agencies.  And don't forget to journal - write about these issues.  Keeps notes and emails current as your journey down a rocky relational path, and report abuse through proper channels. . .backing up the trauma with your notes, emails and other documentation will give you credence and enable you to not be enabled or co-dependent to ANY abuser(s). And always remember. . .you were not created to be abused.

Seek what is positive and healthy when you feel like life is boxing you in and you feel meek and living a mere existence. Learn to play a musical instrument, take a class that interests you, join a book club, seek out positive people who aspire to live, love and laugh.

Change comes from within. . .seek the joy of the journey and learn to laugh along the way.

What is your motive?

A wise woman, whom I consider one of my life's best mentors, gave me not an answer, rather I question I always ponder:  "What is their motive?"
Perhaps you need to ponder if the people in your life are for you or against you.  Sometimes it's hard to discern either way, but if you sense adversity, which can impact the peace in your life, making it rather difficult to live, love and laugh your way through the day, you  must make changes in the choices you make in how you live your life, and whom you allow in your inner circle of trust.   Remember - TRUST IS EARNED!

Co-dependency will make it difficult for you to make changes as you feel you need to be the stabilizer and not 'rock the boat' when you're involved in difficult, trying and even abusive relationships.  Only you can change the negativity in your life.  Our attitudes are truly the only thing we can control, but don't try staying positive in a negative situation. Be positive that you can make the needed changes, and dash out of Dodge before your life is tainted with a stench of stink from those who might be taking advantage of you.

Don't view questioning the motives of others to be cynical, distrusting or fault-finding.  It's okay to look out for your best interests as you learn to protect yourself from those whose intent is to harm you. 

The following quote by Vera Nazarian holds much truth about unconditional love: "Love -- not dim and blind but so far-seeing that it can glimpse around corners, around bends and twists and illusion; instead of overlooking faults - love sees through them to the secret inside."

Those who hurt others are wounded themselves.  It's hard to give grace and mercy to people whose wounds are hidden, and wounds can't turn to scars if issues such as incest, physical, mental and emotional abuse, abandonment, betrayal, and the sick-lical cycle of continued trauma is not dealt with. Journeys don't change when new paths are not taken.  Overcoming our woundedness is challenging, but it's a choice you must make in order for your wounds to scar.  There's nothing wrong when your life has scars - as scars are proof your wounds are healed!!

You can't fix others, only yourself.  Those who hurt and harm do so out of jealousy, envy, anger, unforgiveness and feeling powerless.  Those who bully or try to become powerful over others will never fill the empty void deep down inside their troubled souls or broken hearts.

"To thine own self be true" is more than a nice sentiment - it's a way of life. . .and in the wise words of Maya Angelou - "When you know better you do better." Trust your gut, and don't allow yourself to be torn down by others. . .your life's purpose will never be complete if you do!

Lessons learned about love and joy from a Princess and a Diva

The lives of  Princess Diana and Diva Whitney Houston should strike a cord with all women, no matter if your life has been embittered by abuse or you wear a mask to hide pain from low self-esteem. When we're broken so deeply there is no strength to live, love or laugh.


The Princess and the Diva were raised differently; Diana coming from a home marred by divorce, Whitney born into a secure family setting and raised in faith. However, both women wed men who betrayed them through adultry, abused them verbally and left their souls shattered with a woundedness they could not rise above.
Whitney attempted a strong come back in 2009, with what could have been (should have been) her signature song and oath for living: 'I didn't know my own strength.'

With an amazing Whitney-style conviction, she sang-
"Survived my darket hour, my faith kept me alive
I pick myself back up, hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn't know my own strength"

When we're wounded, and feel inner strength drawn from us, that pain prevails to the point of becoming broken in spirit.  We try to look strong on the outside, but in truth, we're struggling on the inside.  We become silent suffers, but live lifestyles that try to override the hurt within.

When our spirits our traumatized it effects how we shape our beliefs, our thoughts and emotions. Turmoil is something that takes over, and our coping skills weakenm and we decend into a lifetime living with negative emotinos that impact our choices and our relationships. On the outside we mightg appear self-centerened, egotistical, but we're just trying to survive.

'Hope deferred makes the heart sick.'  When we have a hurting heart, it effects our spirits; it can cause sickness, life becomes hard to bear and our relm of meaning crashes as we don't know how to shape our destinies and we live an injurious lifestyle by associating with people who don't have our best interests at heart. . .and use us for their own gain.  We have hope to find true love, rise above poor choices or lifestyles, but we allow others to make our choices, or do things to fit in so we feel accepted, or accept the ideologies of others; following destructive ideologies that further defer our hope to seek another way of living that will provide internal healing of our souls and spirits.  We can become hardened so we no longer feel that internal pain, we turn to self-medicating to live a numbed existance. . .and we give up hope.

Perhaps you grew up with messages that 'you won't amount to anything, you're to fat, you're too thin, why can't you be like him or her. Why don't you listen, what's wrong with you,' and other negative messages that causes you to question if there's a loving, accepting and gracious Creator.

We become comfortable in chaos if we're raised in an environment that's not nuturing and witness unhealthy lifestyles and coping skills.  We accept messages from the ones we love as adults if we lack a positive self-image.  And we can become very good at wearing a mask in public to hide the hurt within, but soon that's a burden we just can't bear. . .like Diana. . .like Whitney.

You were born with a purpose, and feeling a heartsick soul is a sign to reach out to to overcome the pain.  M. Scott Peck wrote 'The Road Less Traveled,' and although that sounds like a lonely sojourn, creating our pathway on the road less traveled will ensure we find our strength as we face our woundedness, and can learn and share with others how to rise above and change our lack of self-esteem to finding internal strength. . .and hope.

“How strange that we should ordinarily feel compelled to hide our wounds when we are all wounded! Community requires the ability to expose our wounds and weaknesses to our fellow creatures. It also requires the ability to be affected by the wounds of others... But even more important is the love that arises among us when we share, both ways, our woundedness.”
― M. Scott Peck


We mourn two great women, Diana and Whitney, they gave so much to others. . .and how much more they could have done, if they only revealed the depth of their inner sorrows and removed their masks as we knew they weren't perfect. . .none of us are.  We can't expect others to heal us or make us feel worthy. . .that is what we find when we remove the mask and travel the road less traveled.

We were the Mask
by Paul Lawrence Dunbar

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To three from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but o the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherise,
We wear the mask

Creating a garden out of dysfunction

Intensity and/or insanity are the mainstays of dysfunction, and no matter our background, belief system or lifestyle;  there's not one person whose life has not been touched or hampered by dysfunction.  Generational issues, from abuse to addictions, have been handed down, and if not dealt with, continue to detour many from the ability to live, love and laugh their way through life.  People who feel power-less seek to be power-ful, and if not educated, coached or mentored in how to rule with function and balance, chaos reigns.  Jealousy, conflict and strife appears in the workplace where unity is absent, and no matter how many procedures are put into place; it won't impact things for the better until we can turn a negative environment into one that's positive.

Dysfunction's grip can destroy unity, trust and cohesion; and if we maintain a doom and gloom outlook, we will never see the beautiful colors that run throughout life.  People, special moments and tender memories are colorful gifts that bring an array joy and peace into our lives, but we fail to see these majestic blend of colorful petals and continue to cling to our bad thoughts, hateful emotions and hurts from the past, but we need to heal the past to make the present better for a colorful future.

Making others responsible for our bright and colorful attitudes will derail us every time.  Perhaps you're singled out at work for something that should be a positive, only to find your work ethic, skill set and knowledge  faulted for all of your efforts.  See the color in the moment as you know your motives and intent were pure. . .and recognition will often comes through other avenues.  Utilize your time and talents in venues through volunteering ventures that will enable you to put forth positive efforts and feel the reward of self-satisfaction.

Take classes where positive interests will bloom.  Perhaps you have hidden talents yet to be discovered, but you will find an inner peace and joy by putting paint to a brush and stroking a canvass that will release the colors you hide within.  Work out negative feelings in a gym so you don't pump up your internal mindset that leads to unproductive thoughts and opinions towards others.  Associate yourself with people who find the positive in life and create joy so you can laugh more than grumble about are life or circumstances, and pass that way of life down to your children, or share it with your parents and grandparents.  Family hurts can bloom into beauty when we lay down our hurts and resentments, and don't put expectations on anyone but ourselves to have a positive outlook and attitude.

Flowers are a metaphor for the fragrant lifestyle that can be yours if you take the time to weed your garden, (garden is a metaphor for life) from the dysfunction that's preventing you from living, loving and laughing throughout your life. We can't control people or hurtful events that hamper our lives, but we can change our outlook and whom we allow to control our hearts, minds and lives. 

Hate to forward those group emails?

Do you receive emails that are forwarded that contain funny videos, poems or cartoons and think them stupid, a waste of time or something that infringes on your outlook on life or belief system?

Perhaps you open the forwarded emails based on whom sent them to you or the subject regarding the forward captured your interest.

Technology has created a Pandora's box of communication nuances; from texting to emails, Facebook to Linkedin and IPhones to the antiquated rotary dials. . .communication options are endless.  And bonding happens between strangers globally as we can play poker via cyber space, read blogs, conduct business and even date or find that perfect soul mate.

It's those forwarded emails that seem to trigger emotions in people. . .and we see a side of our friends, family or those we don't even in a positive light, or they become assertive, aggressive or downright hostile about receiving forwarded emails.  One might hit 'reply all' and vent their opinions or opposition, which is most revealing of temperaments often hidden through the technical forum of communication.

It's easy to hide behind the facade of communication through technology; we can either ignore these forwarded emails altogether, email a comment that's not received for what it's meant. . .no matter how many smiley faces are adhered, or drone on about our own agendas to an emailed audience that can simply click away your diatribes.

So how do we live, love, laugh our way through a cyber sea of emails requesting to be forwarded when the contained sentiments either strike a fancy or discord? Perhaps we need to implement a protocol of live, love, laugh.  Relationship is the core of life, and email can unite or divide people.  We can chose to ignore, we certainly don't have to forward those group emails, or we can take a moment to send a statement of 'hope you're doing well,' 'thanks for sending,' or comments that keep you grounded in a relationship with the sender, even if the content forwarded isn't of interest, however, you feel it's in your best interest to maintain a relationship with the sender.

If you're irked by an email, and hit 'reply all' to vent your feelings, it just might reveal a temperament within you that might be best left unstated.  You're making comments to strangers that might take what you're writing and the tone of your words in a way you didn't intend.  It also might cut off a relationship with the sender that you don't want severed.

Whatever your thoughts are on forwarded emails, and there are plenty going around this political season, take a moment to think about the sender.  Keep your relationship alive and intact by simply communicating towards the best interests of the relationship; and if something is fun, interesting, amusing or helps others. . .and you want to forward it, select receivers who will take the forwarded email in the best of interest. . .after all. . .life is too short not to live, love and laugh. . .and it's nothing short of a miracle that we can instantly share sentiments that are received worldwide.  Those emails can unite us in prayer, unite us for a cause, solicit help or simply give a lift to the day so together we can love, love and laugh.

Emotionally Immobilized?

Live, love and laugh seems to be the seasonal theme during the holidays, but for many, it's the time of year to feel miserable with the weight of doom and gloom crushing your very soul.  You're not alone if your spirit is not merry and bright this time of year.  Perhaps you're alone, or you've experienced emotional and tragic situations that become a catalyst of painful memories or amplify that lost and lonely feeling.

Nick Vujicic is a motivational speaker, and don't be tempted to think he's like any other purveyor of perpetual happiness.  Nick was born with no legs, no arms and in spite of his obvious physical handicap, he was also born with dashing good looks and an indomitable spirit.

When you have a spare moment, plug his name into youtube and listen to a message, or several of his messages.  Nick encourages us to 'change our hearts and not our circumstances,' and 'that we will succeed if  we don't give up.'  Okay, these sentiments might sound trite and stereotypical, but stop before you blow off these simplistic sentiments and ponder exactly who is saying them THIS time around.  Look at Nick and then repeat those simple statements, and add one more common phrase that takes a turn about when Nick states, "You don't know what what you can achieve until you try."

Nick has a heart for teenagers, and in these tenuous times of uncertainty, kids carry a lot of fear as the divorce rates soar and they are the truely the victims of  fractured families.  College tuition is sky rocketing, and the economy has created a feeling uncertaininty as it seems there is no comfort or security in anyone's future.

We become frozen in fear if we allow our negative emotions to take over, and then we don't reach out to embrace opportunities or take a chances.  Can you imagine how many fears Nick's parents, as well as Nick himself, have faced. . .and probably continue to face. . .but Nick has taken chance after chance and reached out to embrace opportunities and is living a full and enriched life that is passing many of us who are able bodied by.  In fact, he is now engaged and to be married in the very near future.

The blame game is another crippler, and we find fault with people or our circumstances, and that removes the zest for living from our lives.  It's so very difficult tot figure out what's happening in the world around us, so we might as remove the weight off the world from our shoulders and simply embrace the day and be the best WE can be inspite of the people or circumstances that weigh us down.  Perhaps that's the secret in how to really live, lough and laugh our way through life.